i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
