i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
