Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
