Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
