the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
