I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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