We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
