I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
