Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
