so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
