Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
