What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
