How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
