I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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