i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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