12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
That accounts for only three of the penises
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
