I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
