Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
