There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
