dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
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