I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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