Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
