and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
