Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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