I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You should frame my arrest warrant.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
