Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
