Buhtt sex?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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