she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
