that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
