You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
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