I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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