It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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