Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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