I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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