I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
