it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
