Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
