Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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