You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
