I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
