Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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