It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
