haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Randomize
