Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
