Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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