I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
