Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
