i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
