I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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