Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
