grandma shit on top of the toilet
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
