you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
