His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
