Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
The air taste purple.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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