No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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