I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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