she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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